Monday, October 1st
Hello Everyone, I wanted to give an update on how things are going. Things in my life are going great! I can't say enough about how wonderful I feel physically! I feel 20 years younger. I can take walks and run up flights of stairs without getting out of breath. I've been able to go to Busch Gardens with my girls and walk and walk all over the park and I felt great, no sitting all the time and even the day after, I wasn't sore or anything like that. I knew that losing weight would help me feel better but I never thought that I could feel THIS GOOD! I am able to live a new type of life and I'm loving it. Since my last update, about a month ago, I've lost about 4 pounds. I'm at a point of trying to maintain where I'm at and not wanting to lose much more but so far, I haven't been able to completely stop losing.
Emotionally, things are going good right now.I'm confident in who I am and everything that I went through, about a month ago, has made me a stronger, better person. My husband and I are working on building a closer , stronger relationship with God and trying to find and live out God's plan for our life. I'm still homeschooling and I'm still teaching 10th grade girls at church and I absolutely love it!
This week, we are actually having my entire extended family over for a get together and my mood is great and I'm so happy to be able to do that.
And, I still need to go shopping, I'll get there, planning on going in a couple of weeks, can't wait : )
I want to encourage you to take care of YOU. As moms, we seem to always do for our kids and others so much and sometimes have no balance at all and give all to everyone else. What happens is you are secretly unhappy with you and whether its losing weight, or just getting in shape or maybe just starting a hobby, I want to encourage you to make sure you are taking care of you.
And, I wanted to share this, I was watching Rocky 4 the other day, Yes, I LOVE ROCKY MOIVES : ) and it hit me...I have so far to go. This journey is not over yet. It's time for phase 2. I need to get in shape, work out, and tone up. So, that's my goal. Again, it's all about having balance in your life. Just like we all eat breakfast in the morning. To me, we need to all start our day communicating with God through prayer and reading the work of God and we need to fit in a workout of some kind. I'm just as busy as everyone else and this will be hard for me to but it's my goal : )
Jan
Monday, October 1, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
7 months after surgery
I can't believe that it's been 7 months since my weight loss surgery. I haven't had an update in awhile so I thought I'd update everyone...
This surgery has been THE BEST thing that I've ever done for myself. Anyone that knows me, knows that I always put other people first, always. I love helping people and I would do anything to help someone out. But, I didn't realize just how bad my self esteem was and what an impact it was having on my family until it changed. I now have great self esteem. When I get dressed in the morning, and start my day, I have a smile because I'm happy with how I look now. I'm not saying that how you look makes you who you are . But I'm saying that it is a very healthy thing to actively do what you need to do to feel good about yourself. For me, it was losing some weight. I have lost 110 pounds. I'm at a weight now that I'm happy with. I'm not trying to lose anymore but I haven't stopped losing yet. That does scare me a little. I guess if I lost another 15 pounds, it would be ok but at that point, I would be trying to NOT lose anymore. I've never liked the really skinny look and I don't want to be a size 3, I like where I'm at right now. I'm actually a size 10, sometimes a 8 but I'm happy at a size 10 : )
This surgery has been GREAT but there are other things that I've struggled with and there is a flip side to all of this. I'm also a VERY REAL person and not fake and want to update the good and the bad...When we lived in OBX for three months , from march to may, it helped so much. I focused on what was important.There wasn't so much busy life around. We were in Corolla and it was so quiet. We were there in the off season.I felt close to God, took walks on the beach, the empty beach, it was me, my kids, and God. Wow, what an awesome experience! Then we moved back. Yes, I like being around people and living in a neighborhood, being close to family and church. BUT life has gotten BUSY again. There has been a lot going on and somehow, 4 months went by and I have been just too busy.I didn't wake up one day and decide, Hey, I'm just going to become distant from God and get busy. It just happened. Where I think this surgery had something to do with this is this....I thought I needed to get a partime job,Scott had lost a job, I applied at many different places and long story short, I haven't really worked ever so most people just throw my application in the trash. Well, two places called me back and both places called back because they thought I looked decent. In a wordly way, it was flattering . I got caught up in it. For a couple of weeks, I was in my own little world. I was flattered. So, it was going to my head! I had mentally slipped away from what I knew God's plan was for me. Thank goodness, I WOKE UP! I'm happy to say that I'm not working any crazy joband Scott has another job. Maybe I had to personally go through this and overcome it , to be able to have this life experience be part of my testimony. I work with teenagers and now, I have been there, probably things that they are faced with everyday. it's hard! But with God, all things are possible.One of the cool parts of this story is...prior to my faith being tested, I was pretty strong in my faith and able to be a good example for Charlie when her faith was tested.I felt so frustrated because I didn't feel like it was making a difference in her life. But, she starting turning towards God around the time my faith was being tested. Mine and Charlie's relationship is yes a mother daughter kind of relationship but it's also a friendship, we are only 16 years apart..lol : ). So, Im very proud of her. I'm still fragile and in many ways, I'm beating myself up for making bad choices the past couple of weeks but the good news is that God got my attention and I'm getting back on the right road.
So, in a nutshell, the surgery has been awesome! I'm so thankful I had the surgery. But, I've also been through some challenging things in my life and been tested in areas I never thought I would...
I will give another update soon...
Jan
This surgery has been THE BEST thing that I've ever done for myself. Anyone that knows me, knows that I always put other people first, always. I love helping people and I would do anything to help someone out. But, I didn't realize just how bad my self esteem was and what an impact it was having on my family until it changed. I now have great self esteem. When I get dressed in the morning, and start my day, I have a smile because I'm happy with how I look now. I'm not saying that how you look makes you who you are . But I'm saying that it is a very healthy thing to actively do what you need to do to feel good about yourself. For me, it was losing some weight. I have lost 110 pounds. I'm at a weight now that I'm happy with. I'm not trying to lose anymore but I haven't stopped losing yet. That does scare me a little. I guess if I lost another 15 pounds, it would be ok but at that point, I would be trying to NOT lose anymore. I've never liked the really skinny look and I don't want to be a size 3, I like where I'm at right now. I'm actually a size 10, sometimes a 8 but I'm happy at a size 10 : )
This surgery has been GREAT but there are other things that I've struggled with and there is a flip side to all of this. I'm also a VERY REAL person and not fake and want to update the good and the bad...When we lived in OBX for three months , from march to may, it helped so much. I focused on what was important.There wasn't so much busy life around. We were in Corolla and it was so quiet. We were there in the off season.I felt close to God, took walks on the beach, the empty beach, it was me, my kids, and God. Wow, what an awesome experience! Then we moved back. Yes, I like being around people and living in a neighborhood, being close to family and church. BUT life has gotten BUSY again. There has been a lot going on and somehow, 4 months went by and I have been just too busy.I didn't wake up one day and decide, Hey, I'm just going to become distant from God and get busy. It just happened. Where I think this surgery had something to do with this is this....I thought I needed to get a partime job,Scott had lost a job, I applied at many different places and long story short, I haven't really worked ever so most people just throw my application in the trash. Well, two places called me back and both places called back because they thought I looked decent. In a wordly way, it was flattering . I got caught up in it. For a couple of weeks, I was in my own little world. I was flattered. So, it was going to my head! I had mentally slipped away from what I knew God's plan was for me. Thank goodness, I WOKE UP! I'm happy to say that I'm not working any crazy joband Scott has another job. Maybe I had to personally go through this and overcome it , to be able to have this life experience be part of my testimony. I work with teenagers and now, I have been there, probably things that they are faced with everyday. it's hard! But with God, all things are possible.One of the cool parts of this story is...prior to my faith being tested, I was pretty strong in my faith and able to be a good example for Charlie when her faith was tested.I felt so frustrated because I didn't feel like it was making a difference in her life. But, she starting turning towards God around the time my faith was being tested. Mine and Charlie's relationship is yes a mother daughter kind of relationship but it's also a friendship, we are only 16 years apart..lol : ). So, Im very proud of her. I'm still fragile and in many ways, I'm beating myself up for making bad choices the past couple of weeks but the good news is that God got my attention and I'm getting back on the right road.
So, in a nutshell, the surgery has been awesome! I'm so thankful I had the surgery. But, I've also been through some challenging things in my life and been tested in areas I never thought I would...
I will give another update soon...
Jan
Monday, February 27, 2012
My Journey continues...
I thought I'd give a quick update..... Things are going really good. I still have no regrets with having the surgery. I'm actually happy I had it. It has helped me SO much. I have lost around 45 pounds. I think that I've hit a point where I'm going to have to work hard to lose more weight. No, Im not gaining, but not losing fast either. My doctor said to start a weight lifting program. I orders Zumba and did my first workout today and totally LOVED IT!! My goal is to do one Zumba workout a day. Boy, am I out of shape. I thought I was going to faint towards the end of that workout.
Emotionally, I feel better than I have in a very long time. I can't remember feeling like this. The jeans that I was able to get in to, my "maybe one day jeans" became too big. I was able to go into Sears and buy a pair of jeans , in the regular womens side of the clothes, not plus size. I didn't have to go through a bunch of different brands to find one that I could squeeze in to. I bought the first pair that I tried on! It may sound silly but this is a BIG deal for me. Prior to surgery, I was a size 18/20. The jeans I just bought are a size 14. For me, Im happy! I only bought one pair because I'm hoping for a 12 in the near future. So, for me, I just feel great emotionally.
Physically, I feel really good also. Almost no headaches! And, able to walk, jog, do an entire workout tape, play basketball. Its an awesome feeling. When I was a kid, I would feel good after gymnastics or a game of basketball. Now, it's all coming back, how good it actually feels to exercise!
It has helped me in every area of my life. To put it in a nutshell, I just feel happy. I am looking forward to MAY1st, when we move into our new house and SO excited about who will join our family through adoption, hopefully this summer!
Emotionally, I feel better than I have in a very long time. I can't remember feeling like this. The jeans that I was able to get in to, my "maybe one day jeans" became too big. I was able to go into Sears and buy a pair of jeans , in the regular womens side of the clothes, not plus size. I didn't have to go through a bunch of different brands to find one that I could squeeze in to. I bought the first pair that I tried on! It may sound silly but this is a BIG deal for me. Prior to surgery, I was a size 18/20. The jeans I just bought are a size 14. For me, Im happy! I only bought one pair because I'm hoping for a 12 in the near future. So, for me, I just feel great emotionally.
Physically, I feel really good also. Almost no headaches! And, able to walk, jog, do an entire workout tape, play basketball. Its an awesome feeling. When I was a kid, I would feel good after gymnastics or a game of basketball. Now, it's all coming back, how good it actually feels to exercise!
It has helped me in every area of my life. To put it in a nutshell, I just feel happy. I am looking forward to MAY1st, when we move into our new house and SO excited about who will join our family through adoption, hopefully this summer!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
3 week update
Wow, what a busy, busy , and stressful week I've had. We had an opportunity to get out of our current lease. After LOTS of searching, We found a house. I really really like the house we are moving to. It's in Eagle Harbor, back to the neighborhood we want to be in. And, it's in Carrollton. For some reason, I'm so drawn to that neighborhood and it just feels like "home" to us. So, we got the house.. but... we can't move in until May 1st, that's when it's available. So, then I was searching for temporary housing for the next 3 months. I wanted to find something that I can take my babies to (Muffin and Max) and a place that we had some room. We ended up rented a house in Corrolla N.C. : ) I've heard the question.. Why did you move out there?? Well, .Why not? The good part about a short term stay here is that it's a nice , peaceful getaway for a few months, it's a couple houses from the beach and it's very affordable because it's the off season. So, Im currently in Corolla.
The reason why I mentioned all of this in my weight loss journey update is because the whole situation played a big role in my journey this past week. There are just no words for just how hard moving is! There were a few days of packing packing packing, the cleaning, then getting things in storage, and now, unpacking short term things in the beach house. It was just a crazy week. I did terrible with my diet. I almost wish I was one of these patients that their body wouldn't let them eat sugar or carbs.. Nope, not me. I can eat anything. I think I ate a donut for breakfast one day and just waayyyyy too many carbs this past week. Lots of eating on the go. I will say that when I eat a donut or other bad stuff, I feel gross. If your new stomach is only so big and I eat a donut and can't fit the right stuff in for hours, then I start to feel quite weak. So, my body tells me when I mess up. I stepped on the scale yesterday, I only lost 2 pounds in the whole week : ( It was a mental set back but it's ok now. I'm going to get back on track. Where this house is located, there's no fast food around the corner and I have to drive a little way to get to the grocery store. So, my plan is to get back on track this week. I guess I see why the doctors tell me that this surgery is only a tool. It's so true! I still have to choose the right foods, etc. If I don't, I don't lose weight.
I really overdid it too with all this moving. I thought I had ripped something but I think I just really overdid it. I was in a lot of pain, etc. But, I rested and I was fine.
So, yes, I am still human. Surgery is not a magic pill or a easy way out. I still have to work hard. Hopefully the next few days will be more calm and Im able to chose the right foods.
The reason why I mentioned all of this in my weight loss journey update is because the whole situation played a big role in my journey this past week. There are just no words for just how hard moving is! There were a few days of packing packing packing, the cleaning, then getting things in storage, and now, unpacking short term things in the beach house. It was just a crazy week. I did terrible with my diet. I almost wish I was one of these patients that their body wouldn't let them eat sugar or carbs.. Nope, not me. I can eat anything. I think I ate a donut for breakfast one day and just waayyyyy too many carbs this past week. Lots of eating on the go. I will say that when I eat a donut or other bad stuff, I feel gross. If your new stomach is only so big and I eat a donut and can't fit the right stuff in for hours, then I start to feel quite weak. So, my body tells me when I mess up. I stepped on the scale yesterday, I only lost 2 pounds in the whole week : ( It was a mental set back but it's ok now. I'm going to get back on track. Where this house is located, there's no fast food around the corner and I have to drive a little way to get to the grocery store. So, my plan is to get back on track this week. I guess I see why the doctors tell me that this surgery is only a tool. It's so true! I still have to choose the right foods, etc. If I don't, I don't lose weight.
I really overdid it too with all this moving. I thought I had ripped something but I think I just really overdid it. I was in a lot of pain, etc. But, I rested and I was fine.
So, yes, I am still human. Surgery is not a magic pill or a easy way out. I still have to work hard. Hopefully the next few days will be more calm and Im able to chose the right foods.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
2 week post op Update
I had my 2 week post op visit this afternoon. I have lost 22 pounds since surgery : ) and close to 30 since the visit before that. I'm very happy with the amount of weight I've lost so far.
Physically, I'm feeling GREAT! I really am. I have so much more energy already. My doctor said that I can start any excercise program that I want, even Zumba : ) He just said that for the next week, I may still be a little sore. He said to just listen to my body. If it hurts, then I may not be ready for it but if not, Go for it! So, that is awesome news!!
One other thing that I should mention...I know I previously said that medicines affect me so much different now. Well, that is soooooo true. I used to take Wellbutrin for depression. I tried going back on it and the side effects of a headache was unbearable. It's like the side effects are really magnified. So, I talked to my doctor about it. I told him that I stopped the medicine. He said that a lot of people who have this surgery are able to stop a lot of the medications that they used to take. So, I may not need it. But, if I feel like I do, I will just go to my PCP and ask for a lower dose. Right now, Im off the medicine, just keeping an eye on things.
Emotionally, I'm doing really good. I'm feeling much better about myself. I was able to fit into a pair of jeans from many years ago that I thought I would never wear again. That was such a good feeling.
Earlier in the week, I got a call from the adoption/foster care agency that we are working with. We were approved back in October but hadn't heard anything. Well, one morning, the lady called and asked if I'd be willing to take a very young baby. (this is on the internet so I don't want to be more specific). Even though I had surgery only 10 days prior, at the time of the call, I said YES. It was an emergency placement so she needed me to take the baby in 24 hours. At first, I did not know what to think. But, then I got very excited about it, I felt like I was ready. Well, the next day, she called and said that they had found a family member that wanted the baby. So, I was disappointed. I was happy for the baby, ofcourse, if there's a family member, it's best that way. But at the same time, I've been waiting for a phone call for months now. I did pray about it and left it up to God. I'm currently at peace with everything because I know that it just wasn't the right time. It will happen, I know it because I feel so strongly called by God to do this. It just wasn't the right time.
So, that is my update for now. I am able to eat real foods now, even meats so I feel so much better now.
I don't want everyone to think that I'm promoting having surgery to lose weight. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. For me, it has been a good decision. My headaches are 75% gone already. And, I feel better in every way. But there are things that have been very hard in this journey. Food is such a big part of everyones life. For me, surgery is a tool that has worked for me. And for me, this whole experience of weight loss is a lot of mental work. I'm learning what works and what doesn't. At my daughters birthday, there was cake. I actually had some. But, I had about 3 or 4 bites. I could have physically ate more, even now, but again, mentally, I know my goal is still to lose more weight so I was done after 4 bites. Some people have no cake during a time when they are trying to lose weight. So, everyone is different and everyday, I learn what works for me and what doesn't. I still say that the biggest key to losing weight is to DRINK WATER! I still notice that if I don't drink my water, I don't lose weight.
I will update again soon but for now, things are really going good : )
Physically, I'm feeling GREAT! I really am. I have so much more energy already. My doctor said that I can start any excercise program that I want, even Zumba : ) He just said that for the next week, I may still be a little sore. He said to just listen to my body. If it hurts, then I may not be ready for it but if not, Go for it! So, that is awesome news!!
One other thing that I should mention...I know I previously said that medicines affect me so much different now. Well, that is soooooo true. I used to take Wellbutrin for depression. I tried going back on it and the side effects of a headache was unbearable. It's like the side effects are really magnified. So, I talked to my doctor about it. I told him that I stopped the medicine. He said that a lot of people who have this surgery are able to stop a lot of the medications that they used to take. So, I may not need it. But, if I feel like I do, I will just go to my PCP and ask for a lower dose. Right now, Im off the medicine, just keeping an eye on things.
Emotionally, I'm doing really good. I'm feeling much better about myself. I was able to fit into a pair of jeans from many years ago that I thought I would never wear again. That was such a good feeling.
Earlier in the week, I got a call from the adoption/foster care agency that we are working with. We were approved back in October but hadn't heard anything. Well, one morning, the lady called and asked if I'd be willing to take a very young baby. (this is on the internet so I don't want to be more specific). Even though I had surgery only 10 days prior, at the time of the call, I said YES. It was an emergency placement so she needed me to take the baby in 24 hours. At first, I did not know what to think. But, then I got very excited about it, I felt like I was ready. Well, the next day, she called and said that they had found a family member that wanted the baby. So, I was disappointed. I was happy for the baby, ofcourse, if there's a family member, it's best that way. But at the same time, I've been waiting for a phone call for months now. I did pray about it and left it up to God. I'm currently at peace with everything because I know that it just wasn't the right time. It will happen, I know it because I feel so strongly called by God to do this. It just wasn't the right time.
So, that is my update for now. I am able to eat real foods now, even meats so I feel so much better now.
I don't want everyone to think that I'm promoting having surgery to lose weight. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. For me, it has been a good decision. My headaches are 75% gone already. And, I feel better in every way. But there are things that have been very hard in this journey. Food is such a big part of everyones life. For me, surgery is a tool that has worked for me. And for me, this whole experience of weight loss is a lot of mental work. I'm learning what works and what doesn't. At my daughters birthday, there was cake. I actually had some. But, I had about 3 or 4 bites. I could have physically ate more, even now, but again, mentally, I know my goal is still to lose more weight so I was done after 4 bites. Some people have no cake during a time when they are trying to lose weight. So, everyone is different and everyday, I learn what works for me and what doesn't. I still say that the biggest key to losing weight is to DRINK WATER! I still notice that if I don't drink my water, I don't lose weight.
I will update again soon but for now, things are really going good : )
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Update
Today is Thursday, January 19th. My surgery was ten days ago.
Physically, I feel great. I have no more pain. I do still have some soreness on the main incision but that's it. I have felt like I have a lot more energy and Im ready to start exercising. I called my doctor and asked if I could start Zumba or other things like that. He said that I have to wait until I see him on the 24th and that there's still a lot of healing going on, on the inside. I don't know exactly how much weight Ive lost. I'll post exact numbers after my appointment on Tuesday. Scott was in a cleaning mood a few days ago and he scrubbed down our bathroom, including our scale..lol. He said it was dirty. Well, water was in it and it broke. Poor thing, I know he's trying : ) I went and bought another scale and it's off by a couple pounds compared to my other one. So, I don't know exactly how much weight Ive lost. I know it's slowed down compared to last week. I've also noticed that the secret to seeing the numbers go down on the scale is to DRINK WATER! If I don't drink my water, even if I've had 600 calories, I will barely lose any weight. So, water is so important for weight loss.
Emotionally, I've felt really good the past couple of days. Instead of everything feeling so different from how I used to be, my new way of life is becoming normal feeling for me. I've been able to go to Chick fil a with my family and I ordered the chicken noodle soup. I just didn't eat the chicken. I know I'm not ready for that just yet. So, even though they may have all had a CFA sandwich and fries, I was still able to go with them and have something.
My clothes fit better and maybe that boosted my self esteem. I just know that I feel good, in every way.
So, that's about it. I haven't hit anymore lows. Im really doing good right now.
Physically, I feel great. I have no more pain. I do still have some soreness on the main incision but that's it. I have felt like I have a lot more energy and Im ready to start exercising. I called my doctor and asked if I could start Zumba or other things like that. He said that I have to wait until I see him on the 24th and that there's still a lot of healing going on, on the inside. I don't know exactly how much weight Ive lost. I'll post exact numbers after my appointment on Tuesday. Scott was in a cleaning mood a few days ago and he scrubbed down our bathroom, including our scale..lol. He said it was dirty. Well, water was in it and it broke. Poor thing, I know he's trying : ) I went and bought another scale and it's off by a couple pounds compared to my other one. So, I don't know exactly how much weight Ive lost. I know it's slowed down compared to last week. I've also noticed that the secret to seeing the numbers go down on the scale is to DRINK WATER! If I don't drink my water, even if I've had 600 calories, I will barely lose any weight. So, water is so important for weight loss.
Emotionally, I've felt really good the past couple of days. Instead of everything feeling so different from how I used to be, my new way of life is becoming normal feeling for me. I've been able to go to Chick fil a with my family and I ordered the chicken noodle soup. I just didn't eat the chicken. I know I'm not ready for that just yet. So, even though they may have all had a CFA sandwich and fries, I was still able to go with them and have something.
My clothes fit better and maybe that boosted my self esteem. I just know that I feel good, in every way.
So, that's about it. I haven't hit anymore lows. Im really doing good right now.
Monday, January 16, 2012
1 week update
It's been one week since surgery. I've lost 13 pounds. I really didn't expect to lose quite that much. I've heard, for the first month, one pound a day would be the maximum amount of weight that I'd lose. I know that as I add more calories, it will slow down. For the past two days, I've tried to have some sort of food at a normal meal time. For example, for breakfast, I had a pack of grits, for lunch, a little soup. And dinner , cream of wheat. I've noticed that I do feel slightly hungry or maybe a better word is empty around meal times. But, it only takes a very small amount, something as simple as a 4oz yogurt cup, to fill me up.
Physically, I feel pretty good. I still have some pain around that one area of my stomach. But I feel better and better everyday. I thought my headaches were getting much better but Ive noticed that I do still have headaches. Im starting to think those past few days, when I thought my headaches were better, it may have actually felt better because of the stronger pain medicine I was on. I haven't taken the pain medicine this weekend and the headaches are back. It's not quite as bad as before surgery so maybe the weight loss is helping. Time will tell.
Emotionally, I've been having a hard time. I know a lot of people will hear that and say " didn't you prepare for this emotionally"?. Well, yes, I did. But, no amount of researching or preparing can 100% prepare you for this. Like I previously said, I am very honest so, whether things are great , or really bad, I will say it like it is. With that said, this weekend was my hardest time yet. I went to the moives with my kids Saturday evening. We actually went to Cinema Cafe. It's really hard in situations like that where everyone is ordering all this food and I sit back and see everyone eating, like there's no thought process to it. I guess I never thought about what I was eating before either. When I was hungry , I ate. So, I just felt like the odd ball out. Then, I used to go out to eat a lot with my husband on the weekends. We went to BJs to get him a haircut yesterday. I knew in my head that we usually go to Chili's or Outback.He is very good about all of this. After his haircut, he just asked me to go to Starbucks. Yes, I can go to Starbucks and I feel "normal" there. I can sip on a coffee, just like everyone else. But, when I pulled in the parking lot, I just broke down. Chili's is right beside Starbucks. I briefly saw people of all different sizes walk into Chili's. And, again, I had this feeling of being soooo different, like I'm the only one. At that moment, I honestly didn't care if I lost another pound, I just wanted to go back to how I used to be and go into that restaurant like I used to. I know that as time goes on, I will be able to go into a restarant and order food and eat, just like normal people do. But, can I go order the 2 for $20 with my husband , and eat a "normal" size meal. No, probably never. I may be able to eat a kids meal or order a regular meal and take the rest home. YES, I KNOW that is amount of food , even normal people should eat, but still, it's just hard for me. Everyone is different and this has been one of my biggest struggles. Anyway, Im even cheating a bit, having grits and soup. I am really supposed to be on liquids for two weeks. But, I'm at a point of gagging on liquids only. I went really slow with the yogurt and grits and seem to be fine with it. I know the biggest risk with this surgery is a leak so I need to be very careful. I go back to my doctor on the 24th, and at that point, I should be able to have shredded cheese and very very finely cut meats, veggies, etc. So, it's my goal to make it to the 24th, emotionally.
My daughter, Kelsey, also has headaches everyday. She is a perfect weight. So, Im starting to wonder if the doctors were really right about telling me that these headache will go away when Im a healthy weight. Either way, being a healthy weight is better for anyone's health.
I'm feeling a little better, emotionally, today. To be honest, I think I sound pretty selfish, talking about being depressed because Im not going into Chili's. What is wrong with me? There's lots of people in this world who won't have dinner tonight. There's famies who don't know where next weeks dinner will come from. So, yes, I'm giving myself a reality check.
I think that I've taken food away and I haven't replaced it with anything. Im going to try and replace it with something else.I'd like to do some sort of service project with my kids, something with helping people in need. So, that is my project this week, to figure out a service project. And, I can't wait until I get the green light to start exercising! We are members of the Y and I can't wait to be able to start exercising. That happens at the 2 week point also.
I know I need to wrap this up, but I wanted to mention one more thing.. I've made a point to talk about my bad times emotionally, but I haven't talked about the good ones. Yesterday, I had the honor of teaching the 9th grade girls at Liberty Baptist. I really enjoy being able to teach them on Sundays. They have been one of my biggest encouragers through all of this. I love them!
Today is a new day......
Jan
Physically, I feel pretty good. I still have some pain around that one area of my stomach. But I feel better and better everyday. I thought my headaches were getting much better but Ive noticed that I do still have headaches. Im starting to think those past few days, when I thought my headaches were better, it may have actually felt better because of the stronger pain medicine I was on. I haven't taken the pain medicine this weekend and the headaches are back. It's not quite as bad as before surgery so maybe the weight loss is helping. Time will tell.
Emotionally, I've been having a hard time. I know a lot of people will hear that and say " didn't you prepare for this emotionally"?. Well, yes, I did. But, no amount of researching or preparing can 100% prepare you for this. Like I previously said, I am very honest so, whether things are great , or really bad, I will say it like it is. With that said, this weekend was my hardest time yet. I went to the moives with my kids Saturday evening. We actually went to Cinema Cafe. It's really hard in situations like that where everyone is ordering all this food and I sit back and see everyone eating, like there's no thought process to it. I guess I never thought about what I was eating before either. When I was hungry , I ate. So, I just felt like the odd ball out. Then, I used to go out to eat a lot with my husband on the weekends. We went to BJs to get him a haircut yesterday. I knew in my head that we usually go to Chili's or Outback.He is very good about all of this. After his haircut, he just asked me to go to Starbucks. Yes, I can go to Starbucks and I feel "normal" there. I can sip on a coffee, just like everyone else. But, when I pulled in the parking lot, I just broke down. Chili's is right beside Starbucks. I briefly saw people of all different sizes walk into Chili's. And, again, I had this feeling of being soooo different, like I'm the only one. At that moment, I honestly didn't care if I lost another pound, I just wanted to go back to how I used to be and go into that restaurant like I used to. I know that as time goes on, I will be able to go into a restarant and order food and eat, just like normal people do. But, can I go order the 2 for $20 with my husband , and eat a "normal" size meal. No, probably never. I may be able to eat a kids meal or order a regular meal and take the rest home. YES, I KNOW that is amount of food , even normal people should eat, but still, it's just hard for me. Everyone is different and this has been one of my biggest struggles. Anyway, Im even cheating a bit, having grits and soup. I am really supposed to be on liquids for two weeks. But, I'm at a point of gagging on liquids only. I went really slow with the yogurt and grits and seem to be fine with it. I know the biggest risk with this surgery is a leak so I need to be very careful. I go back to my doctor on the 24th, and at that point, I should be able to have shredded cheese and very very finely cut meats, veggies, etc. So, it's my goal to make it to the 24th, emotionally.
My daughter, Kelsey, also has headaches everyday. She is a perfect weight. So, Im starting to wonder if the doctors were really right about telling me that these headache will go away when Im a healthy weight. Either way, being a healthy weight is better for anyone's health.
I'm feeling a little better, emotionally, today. To be honest, I think I sound pretty selfish, talking about being depressed because Im not going into Chili's. What is wrong with me? There's lots of people in this world who won't have dinner tonight. There's famies who don't know where next weeks dinner will come from. So, yes, I'm giving myself a reality check.
I think that I've taken food away and I haven't replaced it with anything. Im going to try and replace it with something else.I'd like to do some sort of service project with my kids, something with helping people in need. So, that is my project this week, to figure out a service project. And, I can't wait until I get the green light to start exercising! We are members of the Y and I can't wait to be able to start exercising. That happens at the 2 week point also.
I know I need to wrap this up, but I wanted to mention one more thing.. I've made a point to talk about my bad times emotionally, but I haven't talked about the good ones. Yesterday, I had the honor of teaching the 9th grade girls at Liberty Baptist. I really enjoy being able to teach them on Sundays. They have been one of my biggest encouragers through all of this. I love them!
Today is a new day......
Jan
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